Living out my dream

19 Jul

If you know me outside of the inter webs, you know that my brain doesn’t exactly formulate thoughts in a logical order. Well, it may appear that way to you, usually one thing happens, which causes me to think of seven to thirteen different steps which make me say something that’s so far down the line you have no idea where I was coming from.

For instance, we’re in wal-mart and someone says something about little girls which prompts me to blurt out “Oh, that reminds me, I have to go look at the women’s underwear section” and go running off. Yes, that happened, no it’s not as dirty as it sounds, and no I’m not telling the story.

All this to say that my mind has been extremely overactive today, and now I’m blogging about it. It’s kinda my story actually, and it’s gonna get a little weird and a lot sappy, so if that sounds like too much… LEAVE NOW! But really, please don’t, I think it will be entertaining.

I realized today that probably 95% of my favorite music and most of which formed the real foundation for everything I listen to took place between the years 1997 and 2003. It really doesn’t relate to anything except that it got me listening to The Starting Line again, for the second time in a week after a four or five year drought. These were two completely opposite listening sessions, and it’s the basis for everything I learned today.

One week ago, exactly, I listened to the lyrics “What can I say, that can explain all this time, I’m loving life, there’s not a day, that I can’t say, all this time, I’m living out my dream”, and I despaired.

When I say despaired, I really mean that I felt lost. I felt that I had failed. The mounting bills and student loans, and financial torment weighed so heavily on me that I really felt I could not bear anymore. As a follower of Christ, despair is something I’m not supposed to feel, and you may think that Christians are just fake smilers and full of crap, but we suffer just like anyone else. I have hope in something greater than this world, but I don’t always see it, and last week, I missed the boat.

Now my goal here isn’t to hammer the idea of happiness, or tell you that everything is going to be okay in your life, or even to evangelize about my faith. I talk about Jesus because I really believe in the things He said, but I like to talk about that in person, in depth and without judgement or pretense. My goal is to talk about the value of single moments in time making up a lifetime.

As I pondered those years of music on my way to my seminary class and reached for the TSL cd, I started to think on those lyrics again. Last week when I lamented not being a great and successful photographer or being in a touring band and not being able to even pay my student loans, I was missing the now.

The now. I work at a coffee shop with people I really love. I get to ride bikes almost whenever I want. I have enjoyed sublime central air in these past few days of heat. I have a son who looks like me. I married my dream girl high school sweetheart. I believe in the creator of the universe caring about little old me.

Truth is, I’m living out my dream. Every. Single Day. I wake up and I see my wife and son and puppy all sleeping next to each other, and damn I have it made. Every day I get to spend with that amazing girl who decided to say yes is a day that I get to live out my dream.

That’s the end, my brain stopped coming up with cool stuff to say. I hope you enjoyed this quirky moment of raw honesty. Stay tuned after this weekend (my big fundraising ride) for details and pictures and more beer reviews!

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One Response to “Living out my dream”

  1. Andy July 19, 2013 at 12:47 pm #

    The one lesson my dad taught me was that I can’t control what happens in any given day, but I can always choose to have a good day. It’s advice that has served me well over the years, and I’m glad to see others adopting it!

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