So this is the new year and I don’t feel any different

2 Jan

The 2011 Koenig Family Post-Christmas Photo
well, another year is in the books and to be honest it wasn’t a great one.

I made more mistakes in 2011 than in many years of my life combined. I became jaded in many ways, bitter at the lack of value of my education and inability to find a job, i became convinced of my own insufficiency and lost passion for many things I once cared for. I neglected relationships, and sabotaged business experiences because of fear, and simply feeling overwhelmed.

At times I trusted God, and other times I couldn’t see where on Earth he was taking me, while circumstances spiraled and I lost control of everything I remembered that I had no control.

I feel like I know myself less now than I ever have, I no longer have any idea what to do with myself, what my purpose is, why the heck I’m taking up space on this Earth. I have these talents that I’ve largely squandered and I have absolutely no idea what use they will ever serve.

I am more glad to close out this year than I have been for any year before, I’m throwing 2011 into the burn barrel and trying to figure out how to rise from the ashes, but the Phoenix never has to figure out the how, but then again I’m no phoenix.

All I can do is repent, pray for renewal of my Faith, and state what I hope is going to happen. I’m not going to make resolutions, because I am not going to keep them, and I am not going to say I won’t struggle with depression or never be jaded again, because I would simply be lying to myself.

Here though, is what I am going to try to make happen this year,
my prayer for 2012

my wife and I will move to Appleton.
we will begin the adventure of finding a base for a church plant in the fox cities
i will raise support to start a youth-pastor/church plant intern
i will find a job wherein i can keep my beard and continue to give my sundays to the Lord
i will save up and buy/build the lego Tantive IV
i will continue my LAMP seminary studies and write a ton of papers
i will make new friends and reconnect with old ones
my wife and i will see God work in new ways in our lives and grow closer to him and to each other
i will start my adventure in learning how to be a home brewer
alicia and i will get healthy(er)
i will actually blog, and try to garner some followers for once
my wife and I will travel to either colorado or florida and spend some quality time together on our anniversary,
we will also drive to indianapolis to participate in the packers superbowl festivities.
i will continue to realize what a horrible sinner I am and keep hope in the fact that I have no control, but the creator of the universe does.

 

Here’s to a better year than the last.

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3 Responses to “So this is the new year and I don’t feel any different”

  1. Paul 'pH' Haan January 2, 2012 at 4:46 am #

    word, 2011 was not my favorite year as well bro

  2. Beth Peanosky January 2, 2012 at 1:56 pm #

    I truly appreciate your honesty in this letter Adam. I pray that all of us can be more transparent in our daily lives. I will pray for you and your wife as you plant a church.
    And remember you are a saint already seated in the heavenlies with your heavenly Father.
    We are all sinners but first and foremost we are saints!
    Beth Peanosky

  3. Casper and Jenny Koenig January 2, 2012 at 6:57 pm #

    Adam , the last few years have not been easy on our family with all that has happened, but we are so glad to see you growing in faith. What a blessing as parents to see your children serve the Lord. True JOY comes from putting Jesus first, others second and ourselves last. Hard to do at times, but such a blessing if achieved. We just have to let God grow us through our trials and not get stuck in them., It is awesome to come out of a valley to see the SONshine. We will continue to pray for you and Alicia and that God would lead you in the way you are to go. Love Mum and Dad

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